Wait, Did I Order Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse on Amazon?

Sorry, I Honestly Can’t Remember

Image by EM Stonestreet based on an 1887 painting by Viktor Vasnetsov.

As I write this, the skies outside my home office window are an orange-grey from nearby raging wildfires.

High up in the clouds, I see four horsemen riding out of the sky. And my first thought is: Wait, did I order Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse on Amazon?

I mean, I order things on Amazon every few days and, honestly, I forget what I ordered minutes later. Boxes arrive at my door and it feels like Christmas without the wrapping paper. I can’t wait to find out what past me sent to present me.

I’m pretty sure I didn’t order Four Horsemen though. Did I, maybe?

As blaring trumpets reverberate from horizon to horizon, and the sun remains blotted out, I open my Amazon account and select Your Orders.

I see an outdoor lounge chair, coffee pods, bottled water, and wet wipes. I see a box of fire-starter kindling, 5W-30 advanced formula engine oil, a cooling neck gaiter, outdoor string lights, and more coffee pods.

No Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse though. Hmph.

Now I have to wonder: Did someone send them to me as a gift? If so, I hope they included a gift note. Otherwise I’ll be left to wonder who the giver is.

But even if there’s a gift note, I’m finding it difficult to get close enough to the Four Horsemen to see if any note is attached. Each time they gallop by, the heat from the fires left in their wake is unbearable, as is the smoke!

And that’s why I’m sitting down inside my air conditioned house to write this—maybe if one of my friends sees this, they’ll step forward to say, “Yep, it was me! I sent you the Four Horsemen!”

Until then, I’m going to take a moment to check Amazon’s Deal of The Day. I’m sure the highly paid delivery drivers can make it past this hellfire.